


Fissure

by sachi_sama



Series: Love In Bloom [4]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Anal Sex, Blood and Injury, Blow Jobs, Dom/sub Undertones, Established Relationship, F/M, Gun Violence, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Possessive Behavior, Public Sex, Size Kink, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:22:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23742241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sachi_sama/pseuds/sachi_sama
Summary: Izaya didn't mean to push, but the crack has already spread.
Relationships: Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya, Kishitani Shinra/Celty Sturluson
Series: Love In Bloom [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1696390
Comments: 19
Kudos: 193
Collections: Shizaya*





	Fissure

**Author's Note:**

> "My old man is, a tough man,  
> But he got a soul as sweet as blood red jam,  
> And he shows me, he knows me, every inch of my tar black soul." --["Off to the Races"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CaS4pSpS3c) by: Lana Del Ray

“So anyway, then I said to Celty— I said, 'Celty! It doesn't matter if you don't have a head! Your cooking is excellent even without taste!' And I think she was crying! It was the cutest thing, you guys, and I think it was part of the magic of her falling for me!”

Shinra is on his second cup of hot sake, practically crying in the cozy booth at Russia Sushi. Celty is next to him, obviously torn between hitting him and covering his mouth. Across from them sit Izaya and Shizuo, both of them equally tipsy, sneaking glances at each other and trying not to laugh at Shinra's current state.

It isn't often Izaya indulges like this. He'll have the occasional glass of wine, a few sips of expensive bourbon when high-class clients come his way, but when it comes to drinking in _public_ , he tries to be careful. Izaya has made himself a bit of a menace in the city, and he always has people coming after him. Tonight, though. Tonight is different.

Shinra popped into Izaya's apartment, flat out refusing to leave until Izaya and Shizuo agreed to double date with Celty and himself. Izaya refused on principle, but then he thought better of it. This is what friends do, right? Double date? Be social? It's good for Shizuo anyway, who worries about things like that, and Izaya _always_ wants to give Shizuo what he wants, but after the second anecdote about Celty that he's _definitely_ heard before, Izaya ordered the most expensive sake on the menu and hasn't been shy about refilling his cup.

It's easy to forget about everything annoying him like this, when he's pressed against Shizuo's side, both of them cracking up a bit from the sake mixed with Shinra's babbling. It makes for a good combination, and Izaya is well on his way to drunk by this point, drunk enough to forget why they don't do this more often, at least.

“You two look happy,” Shinra says suddenly, and Izaya and Shizuo snap their attention back to Shinra, who's flushed from two drinks but is still watching them smugly. “I always knew you'd work it out.”

“We're charmed by your faith in us,” Izaya says, and Shizuo snorts next to him, spreading his long legs more in the booth until one of them settles against Izaya's.

“Hey, now, I'm only being _honest!_ ” Shinra yells, attracting a few glares from other patrons. “Who else could handle you aside from each other?”

“Shizu-chan _is_ a destructive force of nature, I agree. Not many could take all his strength and rage directed at them. It's a burden I bear,” Izaya says wistfully.

“And _you_ too, Izaya-kun, you're pretty horrible,” Shinra says, smiling pleasantly.

“HA.” Shizuo leans back in the booth, grinning over at Izaya. “You _are_ horrible, flea.” Izaya pouts at him.

“I'm not— Okay, I _am_ horrible.” Izaya chuckles. “Couldn't even say that with a straight face.”

Celty's shoulders shake with silent laughter, and then she's shoving her PDA over the table for them to read.

“ _I never knew Izaya could be funny in a way that didn't make me want to punch him.”_

“Because you never _listened_ to me before,” Izaya grumbles, but Shizuo seems to find it hilarious. Izaya reaches over and refills his cup once more, downing most of it in one gulp, and his eyes widen when he feels the warmth of Shizuo's hand settle on his thigh.

“Izaya isn't so bad once you know what he wants,” Shizuo says, not bothering to look at Izaya. His hand trails upwards, his actions hidden by the table.

“Oh? Like a Tamagotchi?” Shinra asks, shoving an entire dumpling in his mouth.

“Something like that,” Shizuo agrees, his hand settling over the growing bulge in Izaya's pants. Izaya bites his lip, spreads his legs wider. “He's cuddly once you give him what he likes.”

“I never thought you'd be the type to be so easy to deal with, Izaya-kun!” Shinra is oblivious, and judging from her posture, Celty is too. They both turn to Izaya expectantly.

“I— I love being...contrary...” Izaya puts his hand over Shizuo's under the table, tries weakly to pry Shizuo's away. Shizuo growls low in his throat, presses harder over Izaya's dick, grinds the heel of his hand over and over until Izaya is squirming, panting softly. Izaya's hand stays over Shizuo's, his nails digging into the soft flesh, still not making much of an impact in Shizuo's elephant skin.

“ _Alright, that's it! Izaya is so flushed! And Shinra, you're practically wasted! Enough alcohol!”_

“But Celtyyyyyyy!” Shinra whines, turning to her and taking her hands in his, preparing to rant.

“Shizu-chan,” Izaya murmurs, pressing his hips up against Shizuo's hand, too drunk and turned on to care about much of anything else. “It's... I'm gonna...”

“Shut up,” Shizuo says back just as lowly, lifting his cup of sake to his lips with his free hand. He finally looks at Izaya, his eyes black with want. “Come.”

Izaya hisses, buries his face into Shizuo's arm and bites down as hard as he can while his body spasms, his hips twitching while he comes in his pants like a horny teenager. Shizuo, sadistic bastard he is, just keeps pressing his hand down anyway, makes Izaya tremble and whimper with overstimulation. Shizuo keeps sipping his sake, looks over at Shinra and Celty like nothing happened at all.

“Izaya _is_ a beanpole. It doesn't take much to make him drunk,” Shizuo says, his hand rubbing circles. Izaya's eyes roll back into his head. “We should go soon.”

“Yes, us too!” Shinra says, either not noticing Izaya's current state, or not caring. Knowing him, it's the latter. “I don't want to displease my Celty! She gets so concerned when I'm not sober.”

There's a pause, the noise of fingers tapping against a screen, and Izaya hears Shizuo laugh.

“No, no, he's fine. He's just drunk. He gets like this sometimes, especially when I tell him we're meeting people. I don't think he knows how to talk to people that aren't clients or someone he can antagonize.”

Again, Izaya bites Shizuo's arm, clamps down _hard_ , but it doesn't do anything aside from make Izaya's jaw ache.

Izaya is grateful for Shinra's demanding tendencies with Celty, grateful for Celty's uncanny ability to indulge Shinra, and grateful to himself for wearing dark pants that hide the wet spot from everyone else as Shizuo helps him stand, guides him through the door and into the city. Shizuo's hand is tight around Izaya's, warm and enveloping, and Izaya feels drunk on more than alcohol, feels like he could lift away into the darkening skies and never come down again.

“C'mere,” Shizuo murmurs, tugs Izaya into a tiny alleyway between buildings. He pushes Izaya against the brick wall, leans in and kisses Izaya hard, his hand returning to the front of Izaya's pants.

“Nn! Shizu-chan—!” Izaya's knees tremble, his hands grip Shizuo's shirt. “That was... It was cruel...!”

“Yeah? You came so hard, though. I felt it.” Shizuo grins down at him, bites his lip as he watches Izaya's face. “You're so fucking beautiful, Izaya.”

It's always like this. They can't keep their hands off each other, never really try to hold back to begin with. Izaya loves it, loves Shizuo tossing him around, yanking him from room to room, commanding him in a rough voice, deep and hungry. Izaya isn't the type to submit, loves fighting and proving himself capable, but for Shizuo, he gladly yields every time, because Shizuo never leaves him wanting, _always_ makes Izaya come so hard he sees stars. Shizuo isn't careful with him. Shizuo knows how much Izaya can take, cares about Izaya in a way Izaya never imagined anyone would, pushes Izaya to his breaking point, hurting and biting and _owning,_ and in the same breath being more gentle than it seems he should be capable of.

“I— I want...” Izaya's hands move to the front of Shizuo's pants, tug at his zipper. “Let me..?”

Shizuo's pupils flare, a soft growl leaving him as he presses his hips forward, his eyes never leaving Izaya's face.

“You want me _here?_ ” Shizuo asks, but he doesn't sound the least but affronted. He sounds delighted. “You're drunk. You have to be.”

“I want it, I want it, Shizu-chan, I _need_ your dick in my mouth, or I'm gonna be loud and alert everyone to what we're up to...” Izaya succeeds in getting Shizuo's pants undone, slides them down. He's dizzy, desperate, but he doesn't know if it's the alcohol or his arousal. He thinks maybe it's both.

“Fuck...” Shizuo hisses, reaches down to free his dick from his boxers, his eyes still boring into Izaya's. “On your knees. Don't whine to me later about it, because _you're_ the one who suggested it.”

Izaya doesn't so much as hesitate, drops to his knees and opens for Shizuo's cock, moaning around him as Shizuo growls and presses forward. Izaya isn't exactly an expert in this, especially since Shizuo is _huge_ , but he loves it all the same, loves taking Shizuo as deeply into his body as Shizuo can possibly go.

“Mm... Yeah, like that...” Shizuo murmurs, one of his hands settling in Izaya's hair. “God, you look so good like this.”

Izaya grips Shizuo's thighs, presses himself forward until he can't anymore, until he's gagging, but even then he doesn't stop. He never wants to raise the white flag where Shizuo is concerned. Izaya can always, _has_ always been able to take anything Shizuo throws at him. This is no different.

“You just... You just can't ever get enough of my dick...” Shizuo says, yanking Izaya's hair to where it's painful, and then Shizuo is pulling Izaya up and off, ignoring Izaya's protesting whine. “Look at me,” Shizuo commands, not letting up the pressure until Izaya complies. “I'm gonna fuck your face, okay?”

“ _Fuck,”_ Izaya breathes, nodding frantically before closing his lips over Shizuo's dripping dick once more, his eyes sliding closed as both of Shizuo's hands settle in his hair and begin to pull his head backwards before pulling him back in, Shizuo's hips pressing forward to meet him.

It's messy and uncoordinated. Izaya doesn't think he could do a cleaner job even if he was sober. Shizuo's dick is just _so_ big, and Izaya really loves it too much to care much about cleanliness. All he cares about are Shizuo's moans above him, Shizuo's hands petting him as Shizuo's dick forces its way deeper and deeper into Izaya's throat. Izaya lets his hands fall to his side, allows Shizuo to be the only one moving them.

“Izaya— Fuck, _fuck_ , I'm gonna come, you're so—“ Shizuo's words dissolve into growls as he comes down Izaya's throat, his hips never ceasing their rhythm even as Izaya coughs and gags around him, unable to swallow all Shizuo gives him. Shizuo always comes so much. Izaya much prefers it leaking out onto his thighs, but he'll take it however he can get it.

Shizuo slides his dick free, yanks Izaya back up and swipes his thumb over Izaya's chin, through the mess of come he couldn't swallow. Izaya is dazed, unsteady on his feet, hot everywhere Shizuo touches him.

“I'm gonna take you home and fuck you. Over and over, like you love so much. When I'm done with you, you'll be bedridden.” Shizuo's eyes are dark, _predatory_ , his mouth a snarl when he isn't speaking. Izaya loves it. Loves Shizuo.

“Shizu-chan...” Izaya manages, stumbling after Shizuo when he drags Izaya away from the wall and out into the crowd. Izaya knows now that he's drunk, _very_ drunk, his stomach churning in anticipation and his feet stepping in wide, erratic strides to keep up with Shizuo, who seems to be much more sober, or is just handling his alcohol better. Shizuo _does_ have monster liver after all. Izaya giggles, almost falling on his face in the process.

“ _Izaya._ Do you need me to carry you?” Shizuo asks impatiently, whirling on him.

“Izaya?” Someone else asks, drawing both their attentions. “Orihara Izaya?”

Izaya doesn't think, _can't_ think as he grins and says, “Yes. Who's asking?”

“Oh, _man_ , Akihiro-kun, it _is_ him!” Another voice says, this one sounding even younger than the first. Izaya curses and tries to focus his gaze, finds he can't.

“You're infamous around here,” the first voice, _Akihiro_ , states. “Word is, you've got a lot of blood on your hands.”

“I'm an informant,” Izaya says, trying and failing to stand up straight. He leans into Shizuo, who these guys clearly don't know.

“You know them?” Shizuo asks gruffly, and Izaya shrugs.

“I don't know anyone right now. I just want to be _home_.”

“So then let's go.”

Izaya lifts his arms like a child wanting to be picked up. He grins smugly when Shizuo leans down to do exactly that, but the weightlessness of being lifted never comes. Instead, Izaya hears a shout, an earsplitting bang, feels an intense, sharp pain, and then feels an uncomfortable wetness spreading along his chest.

“Shizu...chan...?” Izaya asks, swaying on his feet before he falls to the ground, his eyes barely able to focus on the whiteness of Shizuo's face, the horror in his eyes. All of a sudden, Shizuo isn't at his side anymore, and Izaya hears awful, bloodcurdling noises, frantic screams, the snapping of bones, but what he fears most of all are the edge of blackness dancing around his vision, his body going cold, his grip on consciousness slipping. “Shizuo...” he calls again, but it's faint. “Shizu...! I don't... I don't want to die...!”

“You won't.” This voice sounds almost identical to Shinra's, but Shinra left already, didn't he? “I've got you, Izaya-kun.”

And that's the last thing Izaya remembers.

***

When Izaya wakes again, it's to scratchy sheets, annoyingly bright sunlight, and an even more annoying Shinra hovering over him.

“You woke up!” Shinra says loudly, and Izaya winces, lifts his hand to swat Shinra away and finds his arm attached to various wires. “Easy, there,” Shinra says, much gentler this time. “You've been through a lot.”

“What...” Izaya rasps, looking around. His mouth tastes awful, and he recognizes the hospital room easily enough. The heart monitor is a steady rhythm and an annoying reminder of Izaya's mortality. He's never liked hearing his own heartbeat.

“Happened?” Shinra asks, taking the liberty of sitting on Izaya's bed. Izaya merely glowers at him but doesn't bother to push him off. Shinra is persistent. “Well. You got drunk and then you got shot.”

“Oh,” Izaya says, lifting his hand to feel for bandages. He finds them on the right side of his chest.

“It was really bad. You were bleeding out rapidly, and the alcohol in your system certainly wasn't helping matters. You were unresponsive, went into cardiac arrest before the ambulance arrived. I gave you CPR and kept you breathing until they got there and took you to the hospital.”

“Weren't you gone already? I swore you and Celty left the same time we did,” Izaya says, narrowing his eyes in thought. The memory is hazy for more reasons than one.

“We were going to, but then I got caught up in talking to Simon— He wouldn't let me go until he made me try this _awful_ concoction with _sour cream_ in it, but I was drunk enough to not care much. We left and then heard a gunshot, and Celty ran to help because she's an angel. Then we saw you and Shizuo-kun.”

“Was Shizu-chan hurt?” Izaya asks, wincing slightly at a sharp pain in his chest not at all associated with being shot.

“Ah.” Shinra looks away, and Izaya is gripped with terror, is ready to stand from this bed, to march out into the city and scorch and burn and _destroy_ until there's nothing left, but then Shinra only sighs and grins at Izaya. “He's fine. Well, fine as he can be after hearing you died on the operating table.”

Izaya doesn't answer, but something in his expression must prompt Shinra to keep going.

“They performed emergency surgery as soon as you arrived here. You died more than once, and each time, they were having a harder time bringing you back. By the time the surgeon came to update us, you were in a coma, but you were stable.”

“How long have I been here?”

“About a week. They removed the respirator just yesterday when you started breathing on your own. I knew you'd be awake soon after that.” Shinra smiles, his hand settling over Izaya's. “You're just too awful for Death himself, Izaya-kun!”

Izaya scowls at him until Shinra pulls his hand away, and then Izaya looks around the room, not surprised at the lack of flowers and get-well cards.

“Who was it?” Izaya asks.

“Some young college kids. The one with the gun had just moved here and was eager to prove himself. You're infamous, you know, one of the 'must-see' targets of Ikebukuro. There's really no need for you to plan revenge, though.” Shinra's smile widens. “Shizuo-kun did that for you.”

“I don't remember much of it.”

“You were too busy dying. Shizuo-kun almost beat them to death, you know. He was going to kill them. Celty stopped him. I've never seen him like that before, and all for _you_.”

“He was killing them?” Izaya asks, remembering the snapping noises, the screams.

“The one that shot you, Shizuo-kun broke every bone in his body. The other one got off with a broken arm when he tried to intervene. It was surreal, like watching a wild animal. I don't think Shizuo-kun even recognized what he was doing until Celty had him wrapped up.” Shinra's eyes flash in that mischievous way of his, his smile still broad. “How impressive that you've made him just as obsessed with you as you've always been with him.”

Izaya snorts. “I haven't done anything at all aside from almost dying. This wasn't exactly in my plans.”

“Before that. I really am congratulating you. It's what you've always wanted, right? I can admire your dedication and your success in attaining the one you love. It's exactly what I would have done.”

“Don't compare me to you,” Izaya huffs. “Your obsession with Celty is unbearable to be around. I'm hardly like that.”

“But you certainly would do anything to keep Shizuo-kun with you, wouldn't you? And in that, we're the same.”

“Where _is_ Shizu-chan?” Izaya asks, needing to see for himself that Shizuo is alive and well.

“Celty went to pick him up. We made him leave you last night so he could go shower and sleep. He's been at your side nonstop since you were allowed visitors, and he was practically delirious.”

Not one minute later, Shizuo is bursting into the room, his wild eyes settling on Izaya, and before Izaya can even greet him with a word, Shizuo is shoving Shinra off the bed, taking his spot and practically throwing his body over Izaya's, agitating Izaya's wound in the process, but Izaya can't bring himself to mind.

“You woke up. Oh, _fuck_ , Izaya, I thought you weren't going to,” Shizuo says, and despite Shizuo's weight on him, Izaya feels lighter than he ever has.

“Shizu—“

Shizuo kisses him hard, tastes like toothpaste, and Izaya can only imagine how bad his own breath must be, but Shizuo kisses him like he doesn't care, like he can't get enough.

“Shitty _flea_. Never again, you hear me? You think you can die whenever you want, huh?” Shizuo's voice is rough, breathy, and Izaya's body must realize how long it's been since they had this, because all Izaya can feel is desperation and the desire for more everywhere Shizuo touches him.

“I won't...make a habit of it...” Izaya murmurs, and he moans softly when Shizuo kisses him again. Vaguely, Izaya hears the sound of fingers tapping.

“I think it's romantic,” Shinra says moonily, no doubt hanging off Celty while he answers whatever she typed on her PDA. “Shizuo-kun's been a disaster waiting for you to wake up, Izaya-kun, so I'm happy you're better and happier that we can leave now.”

Shizuo lifts his head to growl at Shinra, and Celty punches Shinra's side, who doubles over in pain.

“What! I kept telling you both that he'd be fine! I just want to be alone with you, Celty! You can't fault me for that!”

“ _You must be starving.”_ Celty's PDA is suddenly in front of Izaya's face, and he has to almost cross his eyes to read it. He blinks up at her, unused to her being cordial to him, not that he's given her much reason in the past to ever like him.

“No, I'm fine,” Izaya says, his arms still wrapped around Shizuo. He doesn't want Shizuo to leave, and Shizuo must have the same thoughts, because he holds tighter to Izaya.

“Fine, fine. Celty and I will get takeout for you. But then, _really_ , we're leaving! And don't call me again unless someone is dying!” Shinra says dramatically, his hands going to his hips as if he's posing.

“Need I remind you that _you're_ the one who dragged Shizuo and I from my apartment that night? We weren't exactly begging for your company,” Izaya says, threading one of his hands through Shizuo's hair.

“That's because you guys were pretty much locked away! If I can't keep my Celty all to myself, then why should the two of you be able to do that?” Shinra asks, and in the next moment, one of Celty's shadows is over his mouth, and Celty is dragging him from the room by his ear.

“I dunno what Celty could see in him,” Shizuo says. He kisses Izaya's neck, inhales at his skin. “Fuck, I missed you. I never thought I'd miss you so much until you weren't around.”

“I was around,” Izaya offers. “Just not contributing much to any conversations.”

“Yeah, and I missed your flea voice. It's weird when you aren't saying anything. You're never quiet, even when I'm fucking your brains out.”

“Ugh, no sex talk _please._ I feel the opposite of sexy right now, and I'm almost positive I've got a catheter in me at the moment.”

“Mmm...” Shizuo keeps breathing Izaya in, traces patterns in Izaya's skin, and Izaya grins up at the ceiling, a thought occurring to him.

“Hey, Shizu-chan, when Celty took you to shower and change and rest... Did you go to my place, or yours?”

***

Returning home has always been a source of comfort for Izaya, but he doesn't think he's ever been as excited to be back before. The hospital was dreadfully boring, and he spent a lot of time alone after he finally convinced Shizuo to move all his belongings to Izaya's apartment, citing that Shizuo never goes back to his own place anyway, and Izaya will need some help in the coming days until he's fully healed.

Shizuo has been quiet when he _has_ been around, which is a source of annoyance for Izaya. Izaya has always trusted Shizuo to just blurt whatever was on his mind, usually in a fit of rage, and a silent, contemplative monster is no fun for him. He has to trust Shizuo will come out of it soon, or Izaya will drag him out of it himself.

“You know,” Namie says as soon as Izaya steps inside the apartment, drawing his attention from his reverie, “it was pretty hard to focus on things with your little pet coming in and out whenever he wanted. Since when does he live here, anyway?”

“Since now. Are you jealous?” Izaya asks, setting his keys on the counter before turning to grin at her.

“I just think if he's living here now, maybe I should work from home. Or you could consider renting an office space. I don't want to walk into whatever the hell this is every day.”

“Tetchy! You know, Namie, you could find someone too if you'd stop focusing on that uninterested brother of yours so much.”

“I'm sad they didn't shoot you in the head. It would've done us all a favor.” Namie stands and stretches, walks around Izaya and towards the door. “Consider what I said. You don't want me walking in on you either, do you?”

“Maybe I'm into being walked in on.”

“Like I said,” she scoffs at him, “they should've hit your head.”

Izaya sighs as soon as she's out of the apartment, goes to his couch and settles into it, wincing at the pain in his chest. It's in no danger of becoming anything worse unless he goes out of his way to agitate it, but it's still tender, and Izaya knows he isn't anywhere near one-hundred percent yet. He doesn't like lazing about, especially for this long, but he isn't stupid enough to go back to work just yet.

He turns his head when the lock clicks.

“I'm home,” Shizuo calls. Izaya peers at him from over the couch because...that's new.

“Welcome back,” Izaya says, and Shizuo grins at him, takes his shoes off and pads over towards the couch.

“It's good to see you outside of a hospital bed. You should've told me earlier that you were being discharged today.” Shizuo sits beside Izaya on the couch, their sides pressed together despite Izaya's huge sectional. He takes that as a good sign.

“I texted you. I thought that would be good enough.”

“Izaya,” Shizuo says sternly, glaring over at him. “You almost died. I wanted to help you back home. A text wasn't enough.”

“Forgive me, Shizu-chan, but you haven't exactly been talkative these past few days. I handled it just fine on my own.” Izaya doesn't mean for the words to come out as biting as they are, but they're out in the open now, and after holding his frustration in for too long, Izaya feels relief, much like being nauseous and feeling better after vomiting.

“What the fuck are you talking about? I talk to you,” Shizuo says, and Izaya turns fully to face him.

“You're stuck inside that head of yours. Why don't you just tell me what it is, because clearly you thinking about it by yourself isn't doing anything.”

“It's nothing,” Shizuo huffs, and Izaya glowers at him, turns and climbs into Shizuo's lap easily in one fluid motion, his temper flaring when Shizuo flinches and clearly wants to push him off.

“It's _that_. What's with you? What, you aren't attracted to me anymore now that I almost died? Bullet wounds and pools of blood don't do it for you?”

“Izaya, stop it,” Shizuo snaps. “I already said it's nothing.”

“Or maybe it's a reminder of your own mortality, right? Now you're thinking that your days are numbered, and you don't want to spend them with me,” Izaya says bitterly, hating this conversation and hating even more that he cares so much about the words he's saying. It's hard to detach himself from Shizuo, it always has been. Now that he's _had_ Shizuo for himself, he doesn't think he can let Shizuo go. He thinks he'd rather Shizuo be dead than belong to someone else.

Shizuo's eyes soften, and his arms move around Izaya's waist. He presses his face forward and buries into Izaya's chest, exhaling sharply.

“You almost died. You almost died in front of me, Izaya, and then you kept almost dying over and over. I've never felt like that before, like everything was over for me and nothing else mattered. I didn't care what I did, what I felt, I just wanted _you_ and those fuckers almost _took you from me._ ” Shizuo trembles, and for a split second, Izaya wonders if it's from tears, but then he recognizes the motion, has seen it hundreds of times before. Shizuo is _angry_ , is trembling with rage, and when Shizuo lifts his head and looks up, his face looks less human than Izaya's ever seen it. “I wanted to _kill_ them.”

“Shinra said you almost did,” Izaya says, captivated by Shizuo's predatory gaze.

“You knew?”

“You thought I didn't? And that I would, what, fault you for it? Shizu-chan, I don't care if you wanted them dead. It's a natural response to what you witnessed—“

“You don't _get it!_ ” Shizuo's arms tighten around Izaya, the hold almost painful. “I couldn't stop myself. I would've killed them, I wanted to, and I'm still so fucking _pissed_ that I didn't get to!”

“Shizuo.”

“It's not something that's passed, okay, it's not coming down from my anger and realizing I fucked up again, it's _more_ than that. I've had time to think about it, and I still wish I could go back and kill them before Celty got there. I hate that they're still alive, that they could come back, and I hate that I feel so furious about it even now, but I just— I can't lose you, and I almost did.”

Of all the things Izaya was expecting, it wasn't this. Sure, he assumed Shizuo felt some guilt about almost murdering someone, but he never would have guessed Shizuo was mainly upset that he _didn't_ get to murder someone, that Shizuo was terrified at the prospect of losing Izaya.

Strange that Izaya spent so long trying to show others Shizuo was a monster by making him snap, but what made it happen was Izaya almost dying in front of Shizuo.

“You don't have to worry about those wannabe gangsters, Shizu-chan, what happened was sloppy on their ends and on mine. I shouldn't have gotten drunk. I don't even remember their faces.” Izaya grins down at Shizuo, who looks back up at him incredulously.

“I tell you I almost killed someone, and you don't even fucking care? How can you want to be around me when I'm like this? I'm exactly what you always said I am, a mons—“

“No,” Izaya says sharply. “Monsters kill mindlessly, no motive needed. You wanted to do it for me, and that's _very_ human of you.” Izaya's smile grows, his hands moving to cup Shizuo's face. “I'd do it for far less than someone shooting you in front of me. I don't care what that makes me.”

“Crazy. It makes you crazy.” Shizuo turns his head, catches Izaya's hand with his own, and kisses Izaya's palm, looking up at him with black eyes. “I hated that about you, but I guess I'm no better now.”

“Aw, Shizu-chan,” Izaya coos. “You saying I've corrupted you? How sweet.”

“You _have_. You've fucking—invaded my brain. I'd do anything for you. You're all I ever think about. You're all I _want._ ”

“Good. Now you know how I've always felt about you. Isn't it awful?”

“I hate it,” Shizuo says. “I _hate_ that I love you so much.”

“ _Good,”_ Izaya repeats leaning down and kissing Shizuo hard, biting his lip, yanking Shizuo's hair until Shizuo growls at him in warning. “You can hate me all you want, so long as you love me.”

Shizuo stands suddenly, swiping Izaya up with him as if it were nothing. He marches towards the stairs.

“You were cleared for sex, right? I have to fuck you _now._ ”

“I most likely can't perform to your rigorous standards, but yes, I'm healthy enough for sex,” Izaya says.

“That's fine, I don't care how many times you can go. I just need to be inside you.”

It takes more preparation than either of them care for. Izaya hasn't had Shizuo in over a week, and while they normally go at it multiple times a day, Shizuo has to work Izaya open on his fingers carefully, clearly not wanting to agitate the wound in Izaya's chest. Izaya looks forward to it healing so Shizuo can go back to tossing him around without a care.

“Do you want me to roll over?” Izaya asks when Shizuo withdraws his fingers and coats his dick in lube.

“Mm, yeah. Not yet though. I wanna see your face when I first slide in.” Shizuo spreads Izaya's legs wider, makes them ache with the effort of being forced open, and then Shizuo is lining himself up, sliding inside until he's completely buried. Izaya whines in his throat, his mouth dropping open as his body welcomes the intrusion. “Fuck, Izaya, you always look so...so blown apart when I'm in you.”

Izaya tries to speak, but his voice won't cooperate. He gasps into Shizuo's mouth when Shizuo leans down to kiss him, pulls his hips back just to thrust forward and fuck into Izaya perfectly.

“God, I missed this... Swear, nothing feels right until you're stretched around my dick.” Shizuo sets a steady pace, his eyes locked on Izaya's face. Izaya feels exposed in a way he never has before, feels like Shizuo is reading his mind, can sense exactly how much Izaya loves him.

“Shizu...”

“Did you—miss me too?” Shizuo's pace is brutal by this point, and Izaya can barely form a coherent though, much less a sentence. He nods his head, and Shizuo growls at him. “Tell me.”

“Need...need you in me...fuck, Shizu-chan...!”

Shizuo hums, pulls out, and gently helps Izaya roll over, makes sure Izaya's chest is balanced over a pillow before lifting Izaya's ass and sliding back inside.

“Fuuuuuck...” Izaya groans, his voice muffled in the pillow. He lifts backwards against Shizuo, tries to press him further in.

“Let me do it. You just stay there.” Shizuo's voice is deep, gruff, and Izaya nods again, too fucked out to argue. “Good, Izaya, you're so complacent like this.”

Izaya's eyes roll back when Shizuo pounds inside him in earnest, able to go deeper from this angle. All he can do is lose himself to the feeling, to let Shizuo take him how he wants.

“Izaya...” Shizuo says, and Izaya is barely aware of his hand being lifted, being forced onto his own lower stomach by Shizuo's. Izaya groans when he feels the shape of Shizuo's dick inside him, feels exactly how deep Shizuo is.

“Oh— Oh, _God...!"_ Izaya cries, losing control of his own voice completely as he comes harder than he ever has in his life, almost blacking out from the intensity. He feels Shizuo's movements becoming increasingly erratic behind him, feels Shizuo come inside him and fill him the way he loves before Shizuo withdraws from his body once more, helps Izaya turn over onto his back before sliding right back in.

“Izayaaaaaaaa...” Shizuo's voice rumbles, his eyes locked on Izaya's. “Feels like...I'm home when I'm inside you...”

“I love you,” Izaya sobs, his toes curling as Shizuo resumes his thrusting. Shizuo smiles at him, leans down, and tastes the sincerity on Izaya's lips.

***

Izaya rolls his eyes at the bottles of milk in the fridge, all covered with labels. He closes the door and calls over to Shizuo, who is playing a game on Izaya's computer.

“You don't have to _label_ things. As if I'd drink your milk, you know I hate it.”

“Can't be too careful,” Shizuo says, his fingers tapping at the keys. “You'd pour it out just to spite me.”

“I would,” Izaya agrees. He looks at his phone, frowns at the time. “Aren't you late for work?”

“Called out,” Shizuo says. He growls when something happens in the game, presumably killing him since he stops playing and turns in the chair to face Izaya. “I wanted to stay here with you today.”

Izaya grins, crosses his arms over his chest. “Oh? Your little friends will say I'm keeping you all to myself. Shinra will burst right back in here any day now.”

“That's fine,” Shizuo replies, standing from the chair to make his way over to Izaya. “You can keep me for yourself. I'm keeping you, too.” His arms wind around Izaya, and Izaya knows he could never escape the hold even if he wanted to.

“I suppose I don't have anything better to do,” Izaya concedes, and when he stares into the blackness of Shizuo's eyes, he thinks of Nietzsche's proverb of gazing into the abyss.

**Author's Note:**

> ;)
> 
> Come talk to me on [tumblr](https://sachigram.tumblr.com/). I like attention and I'm not afraid to say so.


End file.
